i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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