Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
