After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
