dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
