I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
