I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
