No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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