My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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