I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
