wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
