Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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