can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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