There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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