CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
