My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize