Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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