I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
