I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
