i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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