I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
