i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
