Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
