Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Who died my cat blue again?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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