I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
