i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize