direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
