You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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