no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
