she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
