Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
