weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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