I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
