Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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