i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
