i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
