i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
not ubering you a puppy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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