the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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