A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
