i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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