you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
