Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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