decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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