I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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