my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize