Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
