Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
