we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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