It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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