Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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