you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
