I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
