His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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