Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
