Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
