his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
