I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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