That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
