There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
