Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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