he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the condom got lost in my hair
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
YAS. BRING CRAB.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
