how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
