Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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