Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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