You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Two words: blizzard sex
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
