my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
