So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
